3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
