absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
