my vag is so smooth its legendary
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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