Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
