Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
