Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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