i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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