My sheets look like a crime scene.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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