well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
