You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
