im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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