I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize