i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
