We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
