My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize