ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize