so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Your cock deserves a montage
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
