Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize