I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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