I bet he comes in French.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
