Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
