this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
