So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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