he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize