I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
