I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
