I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Randomize
