Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
