batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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