just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
