I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
