but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
