"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize