even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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