I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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