I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
