yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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