NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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