So drunk its hurt
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We are two peas in an std pod
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
