i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
