When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
