I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
