Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
