this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
