my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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