I haven't been this sober since birth.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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