Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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