there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
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