i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
