I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
