my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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