my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
