I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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