The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize
