i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
