You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
