i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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