your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Randomize
