Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
