Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
