Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
