She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
