omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he thought i was a dude.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
