I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
nutella sex= disaster
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
