Michael Bay diarrhea
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize