K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
