Your mouth is God's brothel.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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