you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
