you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Let's get the cat blown out
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
